(i am currently on medication & going to therapy) I just wanted to thank you for writing this. I think we get ourselves worked up for the day coming up and it’s not nearly as bad as we expect. I dont think any one knew what was going on and I miss him like a dear brother. A day doesn’t go by that I don’t think of her. I know there is no way around the pain of a day like today and I wanted to share with others who are also going through this incredibly painful first year. There is a long , long day that I have to get through before I can light his candle at dusk, sing at the top of my lungs and drink a couple glasses of wine without sounding like a crazy person in my city neighborhood Well..I guess I will prepare for the funeral on Sunday. BTW – where did you grow up in New York? You are right – its nearly Summer, although in London UK we can’t always guarantee it haha.. Jo . I don’t know what to do……… My grief over what happened still haunts me terribly. I’m going to have a glass of wine, light a candle, say a prayer, and cry little bit before I go to bed. Thanks, AC Broughton March 24, 2014 at 11:08 am Reply, Eleanor March 22, 2014 at 2:45 pm Reply.
I feel blessed for having him as a father, a teacher and a guiding force in my life. Establish a scholarship in their name. If it’s too hot for a fire, consider doing a, Visit your loved one’s burial site and bring those you feel comfortable inviting or go alone if you choose. I visited the psychologist to help make meaning of life but my situation my pain was no better. I/we are looking forward to honoring her desire this June, as it will be the first time in 10 years that we will all be together.
We have a post about grief and belief in an afterlife that you may want to check out here: https://www.whatsyourgrief.com/grief-and-faith-grief-belief/, You may also want to read this post on continuing bonds: https://www.whatsyourgrief.com/continuing-bonds-shifting-the-grief-paradigm/, Tamara November 25, 2015 at 1:12 pm Reply. Died the same way. On St Patrick’s day it will be the one year anniversary of my mother’s death. My father loved gardening and had quite the green thumb, but I’m not really looking forward to tomorrow. Selasi Akakpo February 22, 2020 at 2:04 pm Reply. Eleanor January 21, 2014 at 11:22 am Reply. I think the first thing you should do is acknowledge that the day might be really hard and you might feel really awful. I want to do something special…out of the ordinary for hom and am struggling with ideas…..some include a bench, a guitar , a turtle a race car , an eagle….and most importantly something from me, his mom, embracing hotheads headstone with loving words. I am really scared that I will forget my memories of my time with my mom, any suggestions? There is still the hell of all of the holidays…….. Peace and light to you and all of your readers. ;0) We will be gathering in my brother’s forest-like back yard and making a Kamp fire for Kendall. I appreciate the time that you put into gathering the helpful comments. I am now very lost, I’m trying to “ignore” the fact she is passed because I have to keep strong for my 2 kids. Read his or her favorite poems or books. But, I am sure I will be reading your posts tomorrow. I can’t give her much of anything, I don’t have much to give. She had her last exacerbation of copd in July 2017. I live alone and my every thought is of my precious girl. I have nothing left to give you. Litsa October 2, 2015 at 11:56 pm Reply. We were/are very close to our beloved angel Princess & each other. You could visit a place where you feel close to him or make his favorite dish for dinner, go through old photos, or just watch movies together. If they are very focused on ‘helping’ you by doing something with you, you may be able to refocus the effort by making plans to get together on a different day. And ended up on a ventilator.
I think that’s more for me. Be kind but never overly ingratiating.
They were super, super close and I know she wants something to have of hers. Im thinking a candle vigil would be really nice along with some words about her. If you have a counselor or therapist call them right away, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK, or you can even walk into your local ER. I still wake up thinking ” wow did that really happen”. I was there with my daughter and son in law when my dear grandson was born.
Thank you! On 19th September 2018 (one year anniversary) I invited them all to come to my house for ‘Memory Day’.
The date looms from about the month before and I usually end up in a flood of tears at some point. Now my mother in law is in hospice care and it is bringing back the memories of events around my mom’s passing, but the big difference is that my mom’s was sudden and semi-unexpected. That baby just got accepted in to medical school last week! And even tho we weren’t as close as I wished we could be it was so hard watching his family and friends break down one by one and seeing his little brother just holding it all in trying to be strong. Eleanor February 19, 2015 at 10:28 am Reply.
I lost my only child, my 15 and a half year old daughter Kaitlin on 5/20/08, it will be 7 years in the spring. He has a small marker, but I want it removed. He was not an easy man to have as a father – exacting, smart, funny yet not one to easily share his feelings. I am really struggling! “Deathday” sounds like a bad horror movie & Deathiversary, just don’t work for me either… no unkindness meant to those who use it. I have found a lot of comfort in this site since I lost my lovely Dad last year. I just hope I can be strong for them, I don’t think it hits you how hard the day is going to be until it’s here xx. This post discusses gender and different grief styles and may be useful. Each Mothers Day, birthday or other anniversary I try to do little acts of kindness or remembering. Eleanor December 15, 2013 at 1:31 pm Reply, Chris, I’m so sorry. I am currently out with friends and afraid to go home. They do exist in spirit.
After that I will treat myself to dinner at one of our favorite restaurant. I don’t view it as “forgetting”, I see it more as not making it harder than it has to be.
It’s still so early and raw for you.
The pain is beyond compare. We all feel that if we gather in his name and light a fire…he’ll be there. I lost my only child. These can be difficult waters to negotiate, especially when everyone is struggling moe than usual because of their grief. And she wanted them to save her. Glad you found some comfort in the words here- hope you will continue to visit our site! I used to drink in my early 20’s – people always assumed it was my way if forgetting. After a year in an “emotional” hell, I am at peace with her not being here with me on Earth. I only have 2 brothers left. Living your life with a broken heart is something that only you know the pain. Turn it into a competition to see which one of your friends or family members can recite the most quotes or “isms” of your loved one. Honestly it gets harder everyday,because you forget about her being sick.Before I’m comforted with fact that she’s no longer suffering but now as the days go by, I just miss her,her comforting voice,her presence.I do not know how to face Mother’s day but I know I have to.
…I create Memory Owls from a loved ones special clothing. Trying to find ways to remember him with thoughts of happiness without letting the pain of missing him over come me.
Eleanor March 24, 2014 at 5:41 pm Reply. James February 10, 2016 at 11:29 pm Reply. Tears running down my face I said to her “that was my wife’s and my favorite song and movie. But I cried more in the past year than any other year since childhood. The third anniversary of losing my 15 year old son to suicide is coming up, April 8th and I am having a really hard time having to face this day! The actual gift is less important than what the gift means — it says that you’re there if they need you. Not sure, but I am in alot of pain this morning. Sometimes I feel like I can’t breathe. This anniversary seems more difficult. With that can come the common experience of reliving the loss and the pain of the illness. Every year I feel pain hard on my heart on their birthday. But as her daughter I didn’t want to fully believe it. I was blown away? I miss her so much my heart is still so hurt.
The pain is still real but I am managing a bit better one day at a time. On the anniversary day (15th May), I will still fall into a black hole of grief again reliving the day she past away in my head. Frankly life is meaningless in the longrun. Granted, a tragic death is one harder to deal with than expected (elderly parent) but a loss is a loss. Are you the type of person who prefers to be alone on tough days or surrounded by others? I want to honor her, but I also want to pretend like she is still here. I try and keep myself busy but that is only putting a band-aid on it.